Resident Evil 1 Parody
by SinglePringle15
Summary: Okay im no the best at writing summeries so here goes. Will S.T.A.R.S escape the mansion? Will Barry find food? So many questions so little time well enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

**Well this is my first fanfic evah!So I hope u enjoy it. Well I have nothing else to say so…..BYEEEEE!**

**Almost forgot**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, Umbrella, Chris, Jill, or any other character in here. Also I don't own McDonalds, or Facebook. But one day *laughs evilly* oh umm yah so here we go : )**

The S.T.A.R.S helicopter flew across the Arclay region. ''Look! Over there!'' Exclaimed Jill pointing to the remains of Bravo team's helicopter.

"Is it food?'' said Barry happily

"No it's Bravo's helicopter''

''Aw but tummies hungry can we go to McDonalds or something'' said Barry while rubbing his stomach and pouting. Jill then smacked him with a chicken leg she mysteriously pulled out of her Beret.

"Remember what happened last time you questioned me Barry?'' Barry only nodded

Barry then stared at the leg like it was the last source of food left on earth.

"Hey you gonna finish that?''

Jill sighed and handed the leg to Barry. He then pulled out his phone and took pictures of the leg.

"I'm putting these on Facebook'' Grinned Barry

Just as they were landing Chris and the other S.T.A.R.S members smelled a mixture of rotting flesh and week old turkey. Chris then turned to Barry.

''Barry did you just fart?'' said Chris while he was hold his nose

" Ummm no what would make you think like that?''Said Barry suspiciously while eating the chicken leg that Jill gave him 2 minutes ago

Before anyone could answer the helicopter landed and Barry bolted out .

"Let's head out'' Chris shouted

Wesker then slapped Chris on the head "I'm in charge here not you''

''Sorry boss'' Chris then jumped off the helicopter with his tail between his legs no really Chris actually had a tail growing between his legs. Jill then stared at Chris's tail.

''Chris how long have you had that tail?'' Asked Jill

''I don't cool huh'' Chris then wagged it and then winked at Jill

''Hey Jill wanna touch it'' Said Chris in a weird stalkerish voice

Jill then eyed Chris "Ugh i'll think i''ll pass"

Just then Joseph then ran behind Chris and started petting his tail ''Ugh so soft''

Everyone then eyed Joseph as he backed away from Chris ''You didn't see anything'' then into the woods.

**- Okay sorry for the shortness but i promise i will try to just really busy right Rate and and i promise future chapters will be longer ;)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok I'm back sorry I took so long. I've just been really busy. Okay so we last left off where Joseph was petting Chris's tail then awkwardly went into the woods. Sooooooo enjoy and don't forget to review.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything or anyone in this story except the story itself.**

After the incident with Joseph everyone, except for Joseph, went to Bravo's helicopter to see if there were any survivors. Jill was the first one to enter the helicopter then followed Chris. Jill then saw the remains of Kevin and got the sudden urge to poke him. Jill then went outside to find a stick to poke Kevin with. When Jill returned she found Chris drawing a happy face on Kevin . Jill was about to tell Chris off, but then they heard what sounded like a little girl screaming. Jill followed then sounds only to find Joseph.

"Joseph where's the little girl I heard screaming!''

''Oh…ugh…that was me" Jill then busted into laughter

''HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA you…..LITTLE GIRL …HAAAAAAA wait till the rest of the team finds out''

''Wait why were you screaming anyways?''

''I heard something in the bushes'' Just then a dog jumped out from the bushes tackling Joseph. The dog was slimy and pieces of its skin were missing. Joseph was screaming. "AGH JILL HELP ME PLEASE I PROMISE I WON'T TELL YOU YOUR FAT EVER AGAIN!'' "Hmm I don't believe you.'' Just then the dog was joined by four others. The dogs tore maliciously at Joseph's carcass. Just then Chris showed up "Hey Jill watcha doin?'' "Nothin just watchin Joseph play with his new friends'' Jill turned to Chris and saw he was eating a 1ft turkey leg. " Where'd you get that?''

''Oh this… well I was walking in the woods…..

**-FLASHBACK-**

_Chris was skipping through the woods singing "Nothin on You" by . and Bruno Mars. Chris was not the best singer. Who am I kidding every time he sang birds and everything near him would die. As soon as he did sang the trees wilted and a nearby turkey died a long painful death from the horrible sound._

_Chris noticed the turkey then ran towards the animal decapitated it and only took the leg.'' Mmmmmm turkey'' Chris though as he licked the skin of the turkey leg like a cat._

**-END FLASHBACK-**

The dogs then turned to Chris and Jill. The pack leader then started barking at them. Chris then turned to Jill ''Hey Jill the dogs said they want to eat you''

''Um you can speak dog?''

"Yah as soon as I got this tail I could speak dog.''

''Oh well can you please tell them I'm off the menu.''

"Woof woof woof woof '' said Chris while taking another bite of the leg

''woof woof woof woof''

''Jill I think we should run''

''I don't wanna run I want to find another stick to poke Joseph with''

''Jill they said they are going to eat you whether you're on the menu or not''

''No Chris I said I'm not coming and that's that!'' Said Jill stubbornly

Chris then grabbed Jill and ran away from the dogs. Jill was kicking and screaming like someone stole her Skittles. Stealing Jill's Skittles was like Obama getting run over. It was the worst thing you could do to her. While Jill was screaming Chris ''accidently'' dropped her.

"Opsies''said Chris while he was running away from Jill

Jill then got up and dusted herself off as soon as she turned around she saw the dogs closing in on her. She tried to run but her legs wouldn't move. Jill slowly backed away only to find herself tripping. She was then reminded of what she ate for lunch and had to go potty.

She slowly got up, and as soon as she was on her knees pushing herself up she farted instantly killing the dogs. Wesker then showed up screaming at her

"Come on Valentine I can smell death approaching and it doesn't smell friendly''

"Oh yah death whatever you say cap" She then follow Wesker to a mansion.

As soon as they entered she saw Barry waiting for them. She then turned to Wesker

"Hey where's Chris?"

**Okay guys imma end it here. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE you gotta love those cliff hangers anyway please rate and review :)**


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